Sex Sells. It Also Blows Minds, Makes Mistakes, and Kills

I can appreciate a sexy couple posing provocatively in an ad, 

but what are they really selling?

Maybe they already took
their jeans off...

Everyone who has even partial use of their eyesight or who has not spent their entire life in Amish Country has been subjected to sex in advertising and media. And despite numerous uprisings of "concerned" parents against explicit rap lyrics and suggestive images in music videos, children are far from exempt from this fact of life. Shrek stirred up talk about the use of sexual innuendos and puns, but that didn't stop creators from making two more movies. Family Guy, although it is known as an "adult cartoon" (a what?), undoubtedly attracts kids who are often times too young to understand the sexual content, but who are, nonetheless, exposed to it. And don't even get me started on Spongebob Square Pants, a sign in and of itself that kids' best interests are not what we value in our [insert your own adjective here because I have too many in mind to pick just one] society.

Sexual reference in The Flintstones: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yC2D14fBtow

But cartoons aside, people of all ages are bombarded daily with sexual images and messages created by the advertising industry, which knows two very important things: 1. They must stand out, because people easily become jaded by the millions of ads that are in constant circulation and 2. Sex sells. Ever zoom past a bill board displaying an attractive couple nearly naked and about to go at it, and you can distinctly remember the position they were about to enjoy each other in but have no idea what was being advertised? No matter who you are, what your age is, where you came from, where you're going, who you're with, or what your beliefs are, seeing a provocative image will catch your attention. It may, and often will, offend you. It can possibly disgust you. It might make you smile. But in the end, no matter what reaction you had toward it, what matters is you reacted to it. You're supposed to react. 

We're humans, not robots, so sex is very important to us; one of those things that go up there with food and water.

What bag?

Before you think the purpose of this post is to bash media and advertising industries, you should know that is not the case. Sure, I may not agree with the decision to advertise a designer handbag by placing it on the arm of a woman in the middle of a threesome, but I am in no way trying to say that using images like that are wrong (now, if we're talking about the objectification of women in advertising and media, then I'll have to let 'em know, but that's for a different post). As someone who believes sexuality is something never to be shy about, and who also has a degree in communications and media studies, I definitely appreciate the use of sex in outlets that reach the masses (This inaugural post is a prime example of that: I know that by writing about sex I will attract readers, and I, of course, want people to read what I write, so it was by no accident that I chose this topic). However, I take issue with the contradictory ideologies our society continues to foster regarding sex.

Think back to when you where in high school and had to, or had the option to, take sex ed class. What do you remember most? Enlarged pictures of Herpes sores and Gonorrhea infected genitals? Maybe the sadness you felt when you saw a photo of someone in their last days of their fighting against AIDS?  I'd bet everything that your sex education didn't cover self-esteem issues and healthy relationships, contraception methods, options for unwanted pregnancy, where and how to get tested for STIs, and one-on-one counseling. Most schools won't even give out condoms! Because we all know people won't have sex if there isn't a condom around, right? 

While there is a small percent of us who actually received comprehensive sex education--from school or their parents--the fact is that many haven't, and kids today still are not being adequately educated in the subject of sex.

This is where my problem lays. How can we subject kids to sex, and at the same time not properly teach them about it? We all know ignoring the fact that kids are having sex at younger and younger ages is not going to change the fact that they are sexually active. Kids are curious; it's as innate as the desire to have sex is, so they're going to experiment and find things out. And if the adults in their lives aren't talking to them about sex, from where will they get their information? From where ever is accessible; from their peers, pornographic films and magazines, movies, music videos and television shows, and from advertisements that depict sex as carefree and best when spontaneous. How many movies have you seen where the couple stops to put on a condom? You can probably count that on one hand. Now think about how many you've seen where the man busts through the door, makes his way to the woman, and has his way with her right where they are, without a care in the world? You're counting your toes now. Rather than let them fend for themselves in a world filled with HIV, Chlamydia, unwanted pregnancy, and unrealistic perceptions of sexual behavior, shouldn't we teach them everything we know about sex? 

Note the lack of (actual) sexual activity
in this condom ad.

Not just the bad stuff, but the good stuff, too. 

We should tell them how amazing it can be and how exciting it really is just as much as we should tell them how dangerous it is and how they should always protect themselves. But most of all we should embrace sex for what it is: a natural, pleasurable experience that is to be respected, but that comes with a  responsibility. If we treat it as a taboo or something to be ashamed of, we essentially are discouraging young people from gaining the confidence and control that will ultimately help them make safe and positive decisions. We can't continue to give impressionable children and adolescents conflicting messages; we can't simply tell them having sex before marriage is wrong and simultaneously expose them to content that tells them otherwise.

I understand the demand for sexual content in mainstream media and advertisements. I embrace it as well. But I don't understand how millions of dollars are poured into these industries to promote sex, yet it's a struggle to get comprehensive sex education in schools. I don't understand why parents will teach their kids how to do everything from ride a bike to fill out a job application, but when it comes to making sure their children get proper sex education, they have no problem leaving that to a flawed system. If we're OK with walking down the street and seeing dozens of ads selling sex rather than an actual product, we should be OK with having conversations about sex with our young ones. You can choose to let Spongebob talk to them about sex, but last I checked, sponges can't contract HIV.

Let 'em Know: Safe sex is the best sex.